ENDEPT
Sailesh Naidu

The Anatomy of Goodbye

(all the ways we grieve the living)

i want to believe embedded in every hello is a goodbye
that to be greeted on this earth means we are welcomed as the departed
but invariably everyone lingers.
like sap dripping down trees we all become embers

I don’t know how to grieve you as part of the living
‍for even with all this distance between us our silence holds weighl
ike an amalgamation of stones on a beach your waves seep right through
me

and it isn’t the fact that you aren’t around

‍that hurts me the most

‍but all the ways i watched you slowly disappear

they enrapture my memories like fog
as i try to grasp on to all the moments
i knew you were there
only to watch you fade away into your darkness

and i find that it is easier to forget that you exist
than to realize i am parched
‍for it is to recognize that my tongue
knows drought like a twin

and it is not that i was never loved by you

‍rather you could not love me in all the ways that i needed
for all the buckets of water you fought so hard to carry
‍it was still not enough to feed both our thirsts

and in a way the greatest lesson you have ever taught me
is to find solace in the rain
to form my hands into a cup
collect what is given
and drink

Sailesh Naidu

(all the ways we grieve the living)

Sailesh Naidu

(all the ways we grieve the living)

Sailesh Naidu

Sailesh Naidu
A poet, performance artist, and comedian based in Berlin, Germany. Born in the United States by way of India, Sailesh’s work delves into the ideas of gender, sexuality, decolonization, and the body.
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